Location, Rotation, Consistency, Measurement

There are lots of subtle factors that influence how your cookies will turn out. Here are just a couple.

Ovens are like people. Every one is unique, but they share some common traits. They have hot buttons and hot spots. They only want you to put certain things in certain places. Attention must be paid!

For baking one of the things you need to know is the temperature in your oven. Yeah, you say, isn't that why it's got the little knobby thing with all the numbers? Sure, that's a good first order approximation of the temperature inside, but it's smart to be more sure of what's going on in there temperature-wise. The top rack is probably hotter than the middle or bottom, and the temperature near the bottom is probably more consistent overall. Ever have your cookies turn out a mix of burnt and raw? Temperature inconsistency is one possible reason for that. There are others, but we'll talk about them later.

First, you should know what the actual temperature is inside your oven. Buy a simple oven thermometer and you'll be more in the know. Spend some time to move it around your oven and see what it can tell you about hot spots, temperature fluctuation, and the accuracy of your oven's temperature controls. Move it from top to middle to bottom. Move it front to back, side to side. You might be surprised, and you'll certainly know more about the behavior of your oven than you ever did before - and possibly more than you care to know.

To compensate for those fluctuations you need to simply be attentive while baking. Examine the cookies only a few minutes (say, 5) into the baking time. Rotate the cookie sheets to maintain consistency. Swap sheets between racks.

Another vital element of making all your cookies come out right is their size. That is, it's vital that the individual cookies on the sheet have a consistent size and weight. Ensure this by using a Cookie Scoop or what the pros call a Disher. With no fuss and a quick scoop you've got uniform blobbies of dough on your trays much more quickly and cleanly than is possible with a mere spoon. And for heaven's sake don't use your fingers. If your cookies vary in size and weight then it's much more likely that some will be underdone while others burn.

Last night's dream

Most nights, if I remember my dreams at all, they take place in generic locations. Houses that don't exist, pathways, hillsides, restaurants, stores. Nowhere recognizable to my waking mind. No so last night. Last night the dream took place where I laid. In reality, I was asleep on the couch in my mother's living room. So too in the dream. I "awoke" in the still of the night to see vague and ghostly outlines of people sitting in the room, near a window that faces the street. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up and watched the apparitions shimmer. They remained quite vague, mere echoes of people, or perhaps just tricks of the eye when rubbed too hard. There was no communication of any kind. No "sense" of presence. Just shapes.

Rising from my sitting position, I moved toward the shapes and the window, waving my hands with the idea that I'd see if there was anything there with a substance that could be felt. I stumbled and lurched forward quickly - almost running, and shouted in panic at my lack of balance. It was then that I noticed someone walking a dog out front on the street. (Yes, it was the middle of the night, but doesn't everybody walk the dog at night when you're dreaming?) And the stumbling, noise and hand waving frightened the dog, which took off running down the street pursued by it's walker. Apparently they thought I was chasing them off, trying to keep the dog from crapping on the lawn or something similar.

A moment later, I was no longer dream-awake, I was real-awake. Skin tingling, I realized this time it wasn't a dream. The noise of the nearby fan droned on. My hair lightly rustled in the cool breeze as I drew a deep breath and sighed. It was 3:30 AM and silent outside. Eerie to wake in the same place twice in a row.

Liti-gator

In south Florida these days you'll see the billboards for whocanisue.com along the turnpike.

Yes, you read it right, "who can I sue" dot com. There's been coverage on several networks as well as Local TV. My initial reaction could be called a sort of "greasy shock" but perhaps that was just from the plate of onion rings I'd just polished off with my sister who told me about this over lunch.

I don't think that knowing who to sue in certain situations is a bad thing, per se, but the implication (and it is indeed only an implication) of being prepared to sue anyone at the drop of a hat is disturbing.

Still waiting

The sequel that will never happen

It's been, what, 25 years? At the end of the cult classic "The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension" we were promised a sequel pitting the amazing doctor/rock star and his crew against the World Crime League. I guess the phrase "cult classic" can be considered enough of an explanation of why the sequel was never made. And in Hollywood, after all, the number of possible reasons to not make a particular film must certainly outweigh the number reasons to make that film.

Still, count me as a fan of this film-that-was-not-made.

Why does a film not get produced? Because there wasn't anybody who wanted it enough in the right place at the right time with the right contacts and the right funding. And that's only a partial list. When looked at from that perspective, it's impressive when any film (even a bad one) gets made at all. Then again, there's no arguing with the power of one individual's delusions.

Many cookies are alike

There's a common basic recipe for many cookies. You'll find it as the core of chocolate chip and so many others. Start with something between 2 and 3 cups of flour and a teaspoon each of baking soda and salt, along with a cup of butter and somewhere between 3/4 and 1 cup of brown sugar with a similar amount of white sugar. A bit of vanilla, a couple of eggs. That's it, basically.

Then start adding other ingredients and adjusting the ratios of the core ingredients as you see fit, depending on how you want the cookie to come out.

Bake for 10-12 minutes, depending on your oven and the altitude.